The Adventures of Dysfunctional Dan

As a child, I fully expected to be bullied. I was quite intelligent for my age, I enjoyed school and thanks to my dyspraxia I was useless at so many things. I kind of felt that I deserved to be bullied, something I now know to be silly. No-one ever deserves to be bullied, no matter what the circumstances. It only occurred to me recently that I was bullied quite a lot over my school life. It was never terrible, I could always cope with it but I suspect it probably affected me in subtle ways that I’ve not really noticed. It’s no wonder that I’m quite shy and unassertive as an adult given that when I was more confident as a child and even to some extent as a teenager I was ridiculed. There’s not one person that bullied me, more a series of disturbed personalities that sought me out as a way of making them feel better about themselves. Some I have forgiven, because they didn’t mean it and things just got out of hand when they were amongst their friends. Others were just nasty people, ...

People, in general, suck. I came to this conclusion some time ago and am regularly reminded of it. Take the other day for example. In a rare excursion into society, I was returning from a Christmas shopping trip with my friend Paul. We had got into Paul’s car and were just sorting out the shopping when there was a knock on the window. Paul opened the door to find a woman, clutching a baby, asking if we were leaving. This was not an unreasonable request, although knocking was a little impertinent, and we informed the woman that yes, we were about to leave. The door was shut and the woman backed off a little to where her husband was waiting in their car. It quickly became apparent that the windscreen was misted over and we would have to wait a few minutes for it to clear. Paul, demonstrating the qualities I look for in a friend, kindly opening the door to inform the woman that we would be a short while due to this issue. Shortly after the door was shut the knock came again and the w...

It has now been two weeks since my last blog post, although it feels like a life time. In my experience, it can be a challenge as a blogger to have regular new posts all the year round. It’s fine when things are happening, when there are events to discuss but I would say that almost nothing of interest has happened since my last post and I haven’t had any genius brainwaves for a witty post, something which I will humbly say is unusual. Today I have decided to scrabble together some kind of post because I feel I ought to and because I’m in the mood for writing. The one bit of news I do have to share with you comes from my first appraisal. An appraisal is where those superior to you in your workplace inform you how good you are of doing the job and what things they want you to improve on. Obviously this is my first full time job and therefore my first ever appraisal, but the process is almost identical to the feedback you get on a teaching placement. My last teaching placement was ful...

Life trundles on. It seems like it has been a while since I have talked about what’s been going on with my life, the actual progression into becoming a better person, a Dan 2.0, that is the whole theme of this blog. So today I shall discuss just that, and a few other things too. Firstly, there is news on my ongoing and seemingly endless mission to pass get my driving license. After I narrowly failed test number one a few weeks ago, I immediately proceeded to book another one. Unfortunately I had to wait until Christmas Eve, unless a cancellation came up. And, sure enough, a cancellation did come up so I took test number two on Thursday. It was a bit of a shock that it had come round again but my fingers were crossed that this would be the one. Things went spectacularly well for the most part. I was the first to be called out of the dismal waiting room which helped my nerves and after a while of driving things felt pretty good. Last time I failed on the manoeuvre, because my dyspra...

10:10AM. I sit in a run-down waiting room in a run-down part of town. It feels like a doctor’s surgery where most of the patients die before making it to see the doctor. Signs beg you not to be nasty to the staff as a mix of young people sit anxiously next to their driving instructors. It is this situation where I found myself this morning as the time had finally come for me to take my driving test. I booked it way back in August but suddenly time had had it’s wicked way and the moment had arrived. A driving test on Halloween- but would it be a nightmare?  After what felt like an hour but was actually only a few minutes, the driving examiners appeared in the waiting room. The first one seemed nice, I liked him. But alas, he was not the one. Nor was the next one. The waiting wasn’t helping my nerves. Finally a woman appeared and called for me. It had begun. I had spent a fair bit of time lately looking inside car engines and working out what all the extra buttons in car d...

Last week was the graduation ceremony for my degree course. Everyone who completed the course was there, dressed in a ridiculous gown and hat. One by one they were called up to shake somebody who likes to think they are important’s hand and collect a piece of paper. An artist’s impression of what I would have looked like if I attended graduation. And by “artist” I mean me and by “impression” I mean ‘something I quickly knocked up without trying that hard’. Well, I say “everyone”. I was not there and was working, like any other week day. I chose to graduate “in absentia” a phrase which here means without having to go somewhere and talk to a load of people who are much more successful than me. I suspect most people reading this know my story, that I did a teaching degree but turned out to be rubbish at teaching. I left with an education degree but without the qualification to teach. (More on this in my first post  An Origin Story .) It feels a bit odd to have not been th...

I must open this blog post by apologising about the quality of it. The trouble is I have what I like to describe as ‘blogger’s block’, which here means that I have been desperate to write a blog post but am struggling to think of anything to say. This is the fault of my current lifestyle. Suddenly my life has become boring. Work isn’t new to me anymore and one day is pretty much like another. For the most part I am enjoying my job but suddenly the good days feel just ‘good’ rather than ‘amazing’ and the number of not so good days seems to have increased. There’s a  Peanuts  picture for every feeling. Lucy captures my current mood excellently here. I’ve reached a point where I am not very motivated to work. The only reason anyone really works is to earn money, to live off or to spend on something they enjoy. The thing is, I don’t really need any money at the moment. I’m living with my parents and although I pay them a little for my keep it is not very much at all. My...

This post was supposed to be one of the first things I wrote on this blog but it never ended up being written. I guess I just kept putting it off because I find it awkward to talk about. Although having said that, I find most things awkward to talk about so this isn’t really that special. In my experience, certainly in my circles, there are several categories people in their early twenties fall into when it comes to relationships. Category One: people who drift from one relationship to another. These people go through a never-ending shift of partners and friends of these people struggle to remember the name of their current partner. Occasionally even these people will forget the name of their current partner, leading to an argument and another break-up. These people are so used to the process of meeting people, starting to date them, being part of a couple and breaking-up that they can now get through the whole process extremely efficiently. People like this are very attractive, but...

Another week has flown by and I am certainly feeling it today as the nasty pathogens that have been working their way around our classroom have focused their attack on me. I’ve got ‘flu and when I say ‘flu I don’t mean “a slight cold” as most do when they use that word. I mean ‘flu, where inexplicably every part of your body hurts, quite literally from head to toe. Achy limbs are not useful for typing with either. Apart from feeling like I really ought to be quarantined, it has been an OK week. I am still enjoying myself and a slight hint that my new job has brought some of my confidence back, although there is still a long way to go on that front. Frustratingly my colleagues have gradually managed to squeeze more information about me and inevitably I have had to discuss how I was training to be a teacher but failed. I hate people asking me about it and have done my upmost to avoid talking about it. I think I may have mastered the technique of abrupt answers which give away the ...

Previously on Dan 2.0 : I had enjoyed my long Summer holiday before the start of my new job, which I was extremely anxious about. I now write as a man who is working full-time and is enjoying his weekend. Weekends suddenly become very valuable to you once you start full-time work. So, you ask, how is the job going? I despise broad questions like this with no obvious answer and usually come up with a broad response like a celebrity when answering questions about something they don’t want to talk about. My broad response is “Good, I’m really enjoying it”. I think said response sums up my feelings fairly well. Plus working with children and all I can’t really say much more than that. But basically, it’s pretty awesome. For the first time in a long while I feel properly happy. The job is quite hard work and some days are not so good, as with any job. But I am enjoying working with children without much pressure on me. In a parallel world where I scraped through my teaching practice I ...

Don’t panic, keep calm. Those words are echoing around my head as I completely fail to not panic and reach any level of calmness. Tomorrow I start my new job and I am extremely anxious about it. The fact I know it is pointless to be anxious because that doesn’t solve anything just makes me anxious about being anxious. It is a vicious circle. Beaker doing a good impression of how I feel So, yes, in less than 24 hours time I start my new role as a teaching assistant in a school for children with autism. There are several reasons why this worries me. Firstly, any new job is a little scary the fact it is my first full-time job adds to this. Then there’s the fact I only really have a vague idea what I will actually be doing day to day. Oh and I have not met any of the people I will be working with day to day. I find meeting new people in any context horrible but this will be awful. I know, however, that I can easily put these things to the back of my mind. It’s the big issue that...

The Millennium Dome, London. A great piece of architecture built to celebrate the coming of the year 2000 sat on a bend in the river Thames. I can distinctly remember visiting the dome back in 2000. To my eight-year old eyes it was a mind-blowing. There was a giant human body which you walk inside and had a giant beating heart that for some reason was absolutely terrifying. There was a spaceship which you could sit inside and an alien would give you a tour of the Earth, complete with effects like wind blowing at you water squirting. There was a giant screen where the characters in the short film appeared in the room, a beach inside which had something inexplicably to do with pencils made from recycled materials and there was a chance to have your photo taken with E.T. It was probably one of the most memorable days from my childhood. The O2, a.k.a the Millennium Dome Last week, I returned. In the 14 years that have passed since my visit the dome has become a huge concert venue ...