School Year Goals

Don’t panic, keep calm. Those words are echoing around my head as I completely fail to not panic and reach any level of calmness. Tomorrow I start my new job and I am extremely anxious about it. The fact I know it is pointless to be anxious because that doesn’t solve anything just makes me anxious about being anxious. It is a vicious circle.
panic
Beaker doing a good impression of how I feel
So, yes, in less than 24 hours time I start my new role as a teaching assistant in a school for children with autism. There are several reasons why this worries me. Firstly, any new job is a little scary the fact it is my first full-time job adds to this. Then there’s the fact I only really have a vague idea what I will actually be doing day to day. Oh and I have not met any of the people I will be working with day to day. I find meeting new people in any context horrible but this will be awful.
I know, however, that I can easily put these things to the back of my mind. It’s the big issue that concerns me. Long time readers may remember that I trained as a teacher but failed miserably. Weirdly this means I might well have had more years training than some of the teachers in the school. A friend of mine was saying I had more than well qualified to do a good job and that is certainly true, in theory. The trouble is that was true on my final teaching placement, which was the worst ever time of my life and was a massive disaster. And I am really desperately hoping I can do things better this time around.
To that end, I have decided to set some goals for the school year. My degree tells me such goals should be realistic, achievable and positive. See, in theory I am great at this shit.
1) Enjoy it. There is a remarkable feeling about working with children- that moment they achieve something is indescribable. The trouble is it has been ages since I really experienced that feeling and I miss it hugely. If I can’t find that feeling again working with children is pointless.
2) Meet some people. Maybe even make some friends. Thinking about it, it is probably years since I last actually met a stranger, let alone made a new friend. By their very nature, people in school’s tend to be lovely people and I suspect there is likely to be teaching assistants of a similar age also working. There is also loads of people starting at the same time as me so they’ll be in a similar situation. I should be able to make some friends, as long as I manage to open up and not be cold and incommunicable like I normally am when I meet new people.
3) Pass my driving test. It’s going to be a massive pain relying on public transport and Dad’s taxi to get to and from work for the first six weeks.Therefore I really need to pass my test at the end of October and for ever more be able to drive to work. I need to practice as much as I can and just get the job done.
4) Make some long term plans. At the moment, I have no idea where my life is heading. Hopefully in the coming weeks and months I can begin to plan what mu future holds. Even if it is for the next five years, that’s still a lot longer term than I have planned at the moment. I guess a bit part of this will be whether I like the job and want to stick with it or leave for a similar but better position or do something else entirely.
5) Do a good job. OK, so this might be tricky but I know I can do it. Unlike with my teaching practice I’ve got plenty of time to improve and there is pretty much no pressure on me to do well. It’s the ideal situation to regain some confidence. If I can at least make some sort of difference to the children in my class than I will finally have achieved something worthwhile with my life. 2014 has been a real mess for me and it is about time I started to turn my life around.
Well, there you have it. Five steps to success. Writing all this has calmed me down quite a bit and quashed the sickness. I vomit when I get nervous, which just makes things worse. It would be nice if I could avoid the puke this time.
Finding time for blogging might be something of a challenge now I’ll be working full time but I plan to keep things going here, although posts may be concentrated more around weekends. I’m off now to continue to try not to panic. Next time I write my new life will have begun!

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