The Adventure of the Shy Guy
Shy: adjective- nervous or timid in the company of other people. It's a part of my personality that I really hate. I can write endless monologues online yet few people I know in real life have experienced me talking for any length of time.
Dyspraxia can make conversations more difficult because my brain takes longer than most people to process what has been said. This means there can be awkwardly long gaps as my brain processes and then formulates a response. Regularly someone will say something to me and I'll laugh or say "yeah" and it takes me a good five minutes to realise what they were referring to and then realise my response was inadequate.
Ultimately though, dyspraxia is not the cause of my shyness. I don't think anything is really the cause, it's just part of who I am. It takes me a while to become comfortable around new people and to come out of my shell. It's different with every person and for no tangible reason I find myself letting my true self out to some people much more quickly than others. The one exception is when a subject is being discussed by other people and they are missing a key piece of information that I happen to know. This happens quite often because I'm usually well informed on the latest news and am so nosey I tend to know everything that is going on in the workplace. On these occasions I can find myself blurting out the required information before I've had the chance to be shy about it.
I have far less interaction with strangers than most other people. One of the best inventions of the 21st century is the self-service checkout because that means I can go to a supermarket and not have to talk to anyone. With virtually everything I ever need available in supermarkets or online I don't have to talk to strangers very often. Petrol is about the one thing I have to purchase at manned till but I always go the same petrol station and now vaguely know the two members of staff that man the till so it's not too bad.
This all makes it sound like I hate people but that's really not the case. There are occasions when I've bought something in a shop and really enjoyed talking to the person at the counter and come away with a smile on my face. I actually really enjoy just sitting with people I know a little bit and listening to their conversation. I like people but I find interacting with them difficult.
What I hate most about being shy is that it blocks other parts of my personality. I like to think of myself as quite a kind person but my shyness is so often a barrier to that. A few weeks ago I was on a train and two old ladies were about to get off in front of me, each with a sizeable suitcase. I really wanted to step in and help them but I couldn't bring myself to have the interaction with a stranger.
With people I know quite well, it's anything that invokes an emotion that I find difficult to express. One example that springs to mind is when my housemates at university organised a barbecue for my birthday and I desperately wanted to say how grateful I was. I spent half the time we were there with this one my mind rather than just getting it out and enjoying myself. I was mortified a few weeks later when I had a disagreement with one housemate and she brought this up and thought I was ungrateful.
Giving gifts is something I also find really uncomfortable. If I'm buying someone a present it's because I am genuinely fond of them and want to give them some happiness. So many times over the year I've left the gift for people to find rather than be present in the room. I can't even explain why it makes me uncomfortable, I just know it does.
My shyness fluctuates, from one day to the next for no apparent reason. There are some days I feel like I could happily talk to anyone and others where I struggle to communicate with people I am relatively close to. On the whole it's something which is improving. The more interacting you do with people, the less shy you become. Over the last year my self-confidence has improved greatly and that has an impact too.
I'm always going to be a shy person, there is no doubt about that. The challenge for me is to not let the shyness get in the way of who I really am beneath it.
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| Shy Guy from Super Mario |
Ultimately though, dyspraxia is not the cause of my shyness. I don't think anything is really the cause, it's just part of who I am. It takes me a while to become comfortable around new people and to come out of my shell. It's different with every person and for no tangible reason I find myself letting my true self out to some people much more quickly than others. The one exception is when a subject is being discussed by other people and they are missing a key piece of information that I happen to know. This happens quite often because I'm usually well informed on the latest news and am so nosey I tend to know everything that is going on in the workplace. On these occasions I can find myself blurting out the required information before I've had the chance to be shy about it.
I have far less interaction with strangers than most other people. One of the best inventions of the 21st century is the self-service checkout because that means I can go to a supermarket and not have to talk to anyone. With virtually everything I ever need available in supermarkets or online I don't have to talk to strangers very often. Petrol is about the one thing I have to purchase at manned till but I always go the same petrol station and now vaguely know the two members of staff that man the till so it's not too bad.
This all makes it sound like I hate people but that's really not the case. There are occasions when I've bought something in a shop and really enjoyed talking to the person at the counter and come away with a smile on my face. I actually really enjoy just sitting with people I know a little bit and listening to their conversation. I like people but I find interacting with them difficult.
What I hate most about being shy is that it blocks other parts of my personality. I like to think of myself as quite a kind person but my shyness is so often a barrier to that. A few weeks ago I was on a train and two old ladies were about to get off in front of me, each with a sizeable suitcase. I really wanted to step in and help them but I couldn't bring myself to have the interaction with a stranger.
With people I know quite well, it's anything that invokes an emotion that I find difficult to express. One example that springs to mind is when my housemates at university organised a barbecue for my birthday and I desperately wanted to say how grateful I was. I spent half the time we were there with this one my mind rather than just getting it out and enjoying myself. I was mortified a few weeks later when I had a disagreement with one housemate and she brought this up and thought I was ungrateful.
Giving gifts is something I also find really uncomfortable. If I'm buying someone a present it's because I am genuinely fond of them and want to give them some happiness. So many times over the year I've left the gift for people to find rather than be present in the room. I can't even explain why it makes me uncomfortable, I just know it does.
My shyness fluctuates, from one day to the next for no apparent reason. There are some days I feel like I could happily talk to anyone and others where I struggle to communicate with people I am relatively close to. On the whole it's something which is improving. The more interacting you do with people, the less shy you become. Over the last year my self-confidence has improved greatly and that has an impact too.
I'm always going to be a shy person, there is no doubt about that. The challenge for me is to not let the shyness get in the way of who I really am beneath it.
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