Lessons from Summer

The Summer holidays are over and after some training days last week work begins properly again on Monday. It’s always a bit of a shock to the system but after two years at least I feel comfortable in my job. 
I discussed friendship earlier in the summer. I had seemed to reach a point where I simply didn’t see any friends but I endeavoured to do something about that. This led to wandering through the New Forest, spending days in London and Winchester and going to a music concert on the beach. It was fantastic to catch up with people I hadn’t seen for ages. 
Actually I should discuss that beach music concert. We went to see the headline act, the Kaiser Chiefs. There were other acts on first, up and coming artists Imani Williams and Callum Scott and the older rockers Travis. It was all quite enjoyable but nothing particularly special. The Kaiser Chiefs were about to come on when it was suddenly announced that they had been cancelled because the tide was coming in. I know, the sea, on a beach! Whilst I accept that it probably became unsafe it was incredible that the organisers hadn’t prepared for it properly.
I spent a lot of the holidays watching the Olympics in Rio, which were superb. I actually find the Olympics really inspiring. Not in a sports way, I think I can safely rule out any success for me in that area. It’s the way the athletes deal with the immense pressure on their shoulders that inspires me. None more so than Jason Kenny in the keirin cycling, where there were two false starts, Kenny was nearly disqualified and the officials took an age to make any decisions. Yet somehow Kenny coped with it all and won the race, gaining his sixth gold medal in total.
Nerves have been a big issue for me over the last few years. The fact I couldn’t deal with the growing pressure is probably one of the main factors to why I failed my teaching practice. I failed three driving tests thanks to nerves. When I know I am doing something unfamiliar I get so stressed that I feel, and sometimes am, sick. At the moment, with a stable job, it’s not really a problem but at some point I have to try and move on and make something of my life and then it will be. 
I need to be more like Jason Kenny. Of course he was nervous, everyone expected him to win & the Keirin is the one event where the best cyclists don’t always win. You can’t get rid of nerves but you can get past them. You can still be successful and Jason Kenny proved that. It’s essentially all an act, convincing yourself that you are confident. You can mentally lessen the worst possible consequence, conclude that the worst case isn’t actually that bad. I think I am getting to that point, nearly.
I do feel like something in me changed this summer. I found that I wasn’t quite as alone as I thought I was and feel more hope than I did before. I’ll get somewhere, I just need to work out where that somewhere is.

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