Dyspraxia and Me

Something a little bit different today but still in keeping with the the blog’s direction. It is a slight edit of a post that appeared on a past blog of mine so there’s a chance you have read it before. Either way, I reckon it’s a decent post and this has an additional postscript that wasn’t on the original piece. 

So then, this is the story of how I discovered I am dyspraxic and how it has affected me.

Firstly, I should explain what dyspraxia is for anyone who doesn’t know. Dyspraxia, also known as “clumsy child syndrome”, is a neurological disorder beginning in childhood that can affect planning of movements and co-ordination as a result of brain messages not being accurately transmitted to the body. Essentially it means that a person is clumsy and lacks co-ordination but the actual “symptoms” vary from person to person, as they always do.

I discovered I have dyspraxia about six months ago, now aged 21 and a half, almost to the day . I am doing a module on special educational needs as part of my degree and something about dyspraxia came up and I thought “hmm, that sounds a lot like me”. I investigated further and discovered when reading a list of dyspraxia traits that I fitted the vast majority of them. I’ve not had an official diagnosis but the descriptions fit me so perfectly I have no doubt I am indeed dyspraxic.

It was a bit of a shock really. I mean I’ve always felt like life seemed to be more a struggle for me than it was for those around me but I had never really considered that I have a special need. By some miracle I have muddled by way through it and have achieved what will probably be a pretty decent degree. I do feel though that life could have been much easier if someone had managed to identify the issue much earlier but little was known about it 10-15 years ago when I was likely to be diagnosed.

Looking back there are so many things from my childhood that are explained by the dyspraxia. I had some difficulties with my speech when I was very young and saw a speech therapist regularly- this is a recognised dyspraxia trait. There are lots more- I could only swim on my back, I was one of the last in my class to progress from pencil to pen because my writing was bad, I struggled to learn how to tie my shoelaces (and still have trouble now) and I couldn’t ride a bike properly until I was at least 10. There are many more and it feels like my whole childhood was a battle against the dyspraxia no-one even knew I had.

As far as I can gather my dyspraxia is not as severe as it could be but it does still affect my adult life. I already mentioned how I still struggle with shoelaces- within about five steps of doing them up they somehow come undone again and so where possible I tend to where non-laced shoes. When riding a bike I find it impossible to signal right as the second I let go of the handlebar with my right hand I wobble and nearly fall off. I can cycle easily without holding on with the left hand however. Unlike the rest of my family I’ve never shown much aptitude for sport and always found it difficult. I’m really clumsy and constantly bumping into, tripping over and spilling things. I have trouble using tools and domestic implements, especially unfamiliar keys. None of these are particularly major and all things I used to blame on simply being useless but now I see it as being useless with an excuse.

I’m still wondering how much dyspraxia affects and has effected my social life. I’ve never been great at social interaction and have always had a small group of friends. Apparently dyspraxic people can be tactless and have difficulty interpreting things like gestures and tone of voice. If I am like this then no wonder I found social interaction difficult! Some things I’ve read about that I probably do include avoiding unpredictable situations (I have often bailed on unpredictable events) and being prone to low self-esteem and getting depressed easily. I’ve had a few dark times in recent years and it would appear there is some reasoning behind it.

So how much have things changed for me since the discovery? In many ways not much. I had the various issues with things before I knew about the dyspraxia and I still have them now. I’ve muddled through and will continue to do so. It’s not something I really think about much now, only when I trip over something or fail at something practical.

I do wonder though how much having dyspraxia affected my teaching and has now led me into the situation of dropping that career path. Part of the problem with my teaching was the classroom presence and when you have dyspraxia it is hard to be a leading presence and not be completely awkward. Perhaps the social aspects paid a part in my failure too but I still have no idea if my dyspraxia is limited to the physical stuff or not.

Now that I am seeking a different career dyspraxia does play a part. I know more about who I am now and know that doing a job involving something practical would probably be a disaster. If I hadn’t realised I have dyspraxia then I might well have considered doing something practical and it would have been a bad choice indeed.

The discovery doesn’t change much but it changed one thing which is vitally important- it taught be more about who I am and finding who I am is a key part of becoming a Dan 2.0…