Films to Be Buried With

Since lockdown began I've got into quite a few podcasts on a variety of subjects. One of these is 'Films to be Buried With', hosted by comedian and actor Brett Goldstein. Every week he has a famous guest who shares their favourite films through a series of questions- it's a bit like 'Desert Island Discs' for film. Now I'm never likely to be famous to be invited on the podcast but I thought I could use the format for a blog post...

I'm really sorry to have to tell you this but you died...

Oh shit! Typical of it to happen without me noticing. 

How did you die?

I expect I tripped over something. I probably tripped over a slightly uneven paving slab, fell into the road and was hit by a large lorry. At least it was quick. 

Do you worry about death? Do you believe in an afterlife?

Well, I'm certainly not comfortable with the concept of dying and I suppose that's because I don't believe in an afterlife. I believe you just stop and that's it. 

Fortunately, you're wrong and there is a heaven and in that heaven, everyone is weirdly obsessed with films and want to know about the films you like. The first thing they want to know is what was the first film you remember seeing?

I think it was probably a Disney animation on VHS, most likely The Jungle Book or possibly The Aristocats. I wasn't keen on the princess films but anything with animals in I loved. I used to watch The Jungle Book over and over again. I'd have to wait for what felt like an age for the video to rewind and then I'd sit really close to the TV and my parents would keep telling me to move back. 

I think The Jungle Book still stands up well- it's a fairly simple story and the songs are fantastic. Some people seem to think it's racist because they think King Louis being a jazz singer plays on the idea of black people being like monkeys. I think you can read too much into something which is really just an innocent cartoon about singing animals. 

What's the film that scared you the most?

I don't think I've ever found a horror film particularly scary. If it's a monster then it's obviously just can't ever happen and most slasher films rely on co-incidences including broken down cars and no phone signal. I don't think I've seen one where I've really thought 'this could happen'. 

It didn't really scare me but I recently watched The Hunt which stars Mads Mikkelson as a nursery teacher who is wrongly accused of sexually abusing a child. As a man working in the education sector, it felt really unsettling and I recognise a certain type of person in the film from my own experiences, the people who assume you must be a pedophile if you're male and work with children. I think if you looked into those people's lives you'll probably find they didn't have a father figure in their life as a child and/or they've one or more bad experiences in relationships with men. I always feel like it's my duty to show people like this that I am both male and a really positive influence on their child's life. 

What film made you cry the most?

Actually, since lockdown I feel tears come to my eyes when any film has some level of strong emotion to it! I think it was probably Toy Story 3. The scene where the toys are about to be incinerated is really powerful and brought me close but it was the moment Andy gives his toys to Bonnie that set me off. I hadn't long left home and started university so I was at the same point in my life where the innocence fo childhood had gone and I was finding myself having to be an adult for the first time. 

What's a film that is not critically acclaimed but you love?

It has to be Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. I think it's hugely underrated as a film anyway but having grown-up watching Scooby-Doo constantly that film is a love letter to the franchise with the way it brings a tonne of monsters and characters into live-action. It was written by James Gunn who brought Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy to the screen to huge acclaim but I think you can see the writing talent, especially in dealing with beloved characters, back in Scooby-Doo. 

What's a film that you used to love but watched recently and thought was a bit rubbish?

I can't really think of one from my childhood but I remember watching Thor: The Dark World at the cinema back in 2013 and loving it, declaring it my favourite Marvel film. I watched it more recently and wondered what I was on that night, it's by far the worst film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I can only assume I got carried away with the experience on the night or maybe it just shows how much more sophisticated I've become since then! 

What's the sexiest film you've ever seen?

Maybe something with Emma Stone in? Perhaps La La Land, I'm sure I had fantasies about being Ryan Gosling and seducing Emma Stone after that.

What's a film you found arousing but you don't think you should have?

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. It's the mermaids. I can't work out why I find mermaids attractive given they are half-fish. 

What is objectively the greatest film of all time?

People always say The Godfather for this but for me it's 12 Angry Men. It's just a group of ten men in a jury discussing a murder case but it's so brilliantly written and performed. You can have all the explosions and CGI money can buy but it still doesn't beat twelve men sitting round a table when the script's that good. 

What is the film you can or have watched the most?

It's certainly a Muppets one. I love Muppets Christmas Carol but it is very Christmassy and that's not ideal in the summer. 2011's The Muppets is great and is a lovely homage to the history of the Muppets as well as being funny. Whenever I'm feeling ill I put one of these on and it makes me feel better, even if only mentally. They are just wholesome and funny and a joy to watch. 

What is the film that made you laugh the most?

Probably What We Do in the Shadows. The TV show is great but the film is on another level. The idea of a documentary following around vampires is great and Taika Waititi and Jermaine Clement make it so funny. It's such a simple concept but it is so brilliantly well executed. 

What is the worst film you've ever seen?

At work a student pulled out a DVD from the box called Animal Kingdom: Let's Go Ape. It's a French 3D animated film and it's just dreadful. The animation is terrible, the English dub has the main character with an extremely irritating cockney accent and there are random anal sex jokes in the middle of what is supposed to be a kids film. It's horrendous. I'm sure at some point the child of a member of staff was given it by a grandparent and the member of staff embarrassingly snuck it into the class DVD box just to get rid of it.

What's a film that changed your perspective on something?

I think I'll say The Big Short on this one. It's basically about the 2008 financial crash. I was sixteen when the crash happened so whilst it was always on the news I didn't really understand the background behind it. The film does a great job of explaining it and it's hard not to come away feeling angry at the idiots high up in the banking world who just let it happen. 

So after you were hit by a lorry they gathered up all the bits of your body but you were obliterated so they had to scoop it up and shove it in the coffin. There was more than you than they expected to there just room for one DVD to take to heaven to show everyone- what are you taking?

I'm going to go with Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World which is one of my favourite films and one I've not managed to mention yet. It's funny and sweet and director Edgar Wright was so fantastic at getting every detail right. It's an incredibly well-made film and ten years since it was released it still stands up really well.