The Adventure of the Wonderful Wedding
Last week I had the daunting prospect of attending a wedding. I had a week of trying to put it to the back of my mind because I was anxious about it. Just the prospect that it would involve a journey along the motorway in the dark at the end would probably be enough to make me anxious but that wasn't even my main concern.
The biggest issue for me was the fact that I would hardly know anyone attending. There were two people I knew from university and though I generally like both of them I didn't know them well enough to call them more than acquaintances and besides, I hadn't seen either of them for some years. I had met a few of the bride's family but again barely knew them. The only person I really knew was the bride who is my best friend.
On any other occasion I would have not turned up but this wasn't about me. Whilst I am probably just one of many friends to the bride, she is my best friend and in the nearly ten years I've known her she's been loyal and supportive. There were times where I didn't treat her well yet she kept forgiving me because that's just the sort of person she is. She's got young kids, lives a little distance away and has no transportation so I don't see her that often now but we still communicate a fair bit. This was an occasion where I couldn't let her down and besides, I wanted to be there to witness the happy moment.
I got all dressed up in my suit and tie, an extremely rare occurrence for me, and prepared to leave. To by alarm I suddenly realised I don't actually possess a pair of smart shoes. I attempted to find some in town but couldn't find any in my size and had to resort to wearing black trainers. It was not the start I'd wanted but as far as I'm aware I got away with it. It's very much in character that I should be the person who doesn't know anyone wearing an ill-fitting suit and a trainers to a wedding.
As is also par for the course, I arrived considerably earlier than was necessary. I took refuge in a coffee shop just a short distance away from the church. It was the same coffee shop I sat in when I was about to move into my student accommodation and there was something comforting about the place so associated with a memory of anxiety towards something which turned out to be excellent. I had some time to wait and was alarmed to discover the establishment had no phone signal. In the end I resorted to reading a newspaper- I immediately discounted the tabloids and was left with the Daily Mail which I was far from happy with my had little alternative. I flicked through, reading the news stories and making a point to ignore any opinion pieces. Eventually I stumbled upon the agony aunt section.
Somehow I noticed one of the letters was from a twenty-nine year old man writing about how he hadn't formed any romantic relationships as an adult. I could almost have written it myself. I think the bride and I got along well when we first met because our life experiences had been pretty similar and I think for the first five years of our friendship that remained the case. Yet here I was on her wedding day alone. The advice given was basically not to dwell on it and generally I don't. There are moments that do bring home that I lack that close connection to someone though and it feels like being hit by a truck of self-doubt.
Finally, the time came and I headed to the church and finally met the groom for the first time. I had heard a lot about him and was pleased to find he lived up to my expectations and therefore a cinematic moment when the priest asked if anyone knew a reason that the pair shouldn't marry was not necessary. I quickly found one of the people I knew and sat next to him and we actually had a really pleasant conversation which didn't feel awkward at all. I was pleased to feel like a normal person for once in my life.
Soon the bride arrived and the ceremony took place. I thought it was really lovely. The priest talked about how everyone present was in a way part of the marriage and I liked that idea. Sometimes I find it easy to think that I walk my own path away from everyone else but to be there made me realise that I do have some close relationships with people that I really value.
Later on I listened to the speeches and heard how these two lovely people have touched those around them and are suited to be together. I don't usually consider myself a romantic person but as I sat there I concluded that this really was something special. I didn't stay at the reception late and the prospect of being anywhere near the dance-floor was not one I liked but I was able to chat to the happy couple and reaffirmed my feeling that they are both lovely and well-suited to each other.
I left feeling fulfilled and successfully drove home along the motorway, something I'd never done in the dark before, without issue. I felt so pleased that I'd had the courage to attend in the first place and felt a rare rush of self-confidence. Nothing I'd been anxious about had gone badly and the whole experience was a hugely positive one. Perhaps despite everything I can be a functional adult and be a part of people's lives.
The biggest issue for me was the fact that I would hardly know anyone attending. There were two people I knew from university and though I generally like both of them I didn't know them well enough to call them more than acquaintances and besides, I hadn't seen either of them for some years. I had met a few of the bride's family but again barely knew them. The only person I really knew was the bride who is my best friend.
I got all dressed up in my suit and tie, an extremely rare occurrence for me, and prepared to leave. To by alarm I suddenly realised I don't actually possess a pair of smart shoes. I attempted to find some in town but couldn't find any in my size and had to resort to wearing black trainers. It was not the start I'd wanted but as far as I'm aware I got away with it. It's very much in character that I should be the person who doesn't know anyone wearing an ill-fitting suit and a trainers to a wedding.
As is also par for the course, I arrived considerably earlier than was necessary. I took refuge in a coffee shop just a short distance away from the church. It was the same coffee shop I sat in when I was about to move into my student accommodation and there was something comforting about the place so associated with a memory of anxiety towards something which turned out to be excellent. I had some time to wait and was alarmed to discover the establishment had no phone signal. In the end I resorted to reading a newspaper- I immediately discounted the tabloids and was left with the Daily Mail which I was far from happy with my had little alternative. I flicked through, reading the news stories and making a point to ignore any opinion pieces. Eventually I stumbled upon the agony aunt section.
Somehow I noticed one of the letters was from a twenty-nine year old man writing about how he hadn't formed any romantic relationships as an adult. I could almost have written it myself. I think the bride and I got along well when we first met because our life experiences had been pretty similar and I think for the first five years of our friendship that remained the case. Yet here I was on her wedding day alone. The advice given was basically not to dwell on it and generally I don't. There are moments that do bring home that I lack that close connection to someone though and it feels like being hit by a truck of self-doubt.
Finally, the time came and I headed to the church and finally met the groom for the first time. I had heard a lot about him and was pleased to find he lived up to my expectations and therefore a cinematic moment when the priest asked if anyone knew a reason that the pair shouldn't marry was not necessary. I quickly found one of the people I knew and sat next to him and we actually had a really pleasant conversation which didn't feel awkward at all. I was pleased to feel like a normal person for once in my life.
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| Once again my theory that there is an appropriate Peanuts image for nearly everything has proven to be correct. |
Later on I listened to the speeches and heard how these two lovely people have touched those around them and are suited to be together. I don't usually consider myself a romantic person but as I sat there I concluded that this really was something special. I didn't stay at the reception late and the prospect of being anywhere near the dance-floor was not one I liked but I was able to chat to the happy couple and reaffirmed my feeling that they are both lovely and well-suited to each other.
I left feeling fulfilled and successfully drove home along the motorway, something I'd never done in the dark before, without issue. I felt so pleased that I'd had the courage to attend in the first place and felt a rare rush of self-confidence. Nothing I'd been anxious about had gone badly and the whole experience was a hugely positive one. Perhaps despite everything I can be a functional adult and be a part of people's lives.
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