The Adventure of the Girlfriend Formula
Like most other single twenty-somethings I find myself using dating apps like Tinder. I don't use them that much but when I have a spare few minutes I find myself swiping furiously. "Swiping furiously" is not a euphemism and refers to the process of swiping left or right depending on whether you want to match with someone on the app.
I find that I get very few matches and can never quite understand why that is. Whilst I don't consider myself particularly attractive, for my own sanity I have to assume that some women are attracted to me. Even if only 5% of everyone that sees me on the app swipe right then I still ought to be getting more matches than I do.
Maybe it's me. To match with someone both parties need to state that they want to match with each other. Am I too fussy when I'm swiping? Whilst I hate the way these apps promote physical appearance, that is the first thing I find myself judging before swiping. I'm not especially judgmental when it comes to this but equally there are plenty of women's profiles who I look at and conclude I am not attracted to them. That's not to say I think they are ugly but they just don't do anything for me. Conversely, there's plenty of women that I do find attractive but I could never form a relationship with the sort of person who happily displays as much flesh as the app's rules allow. If people want to do that it's fine, but it's not for me.
Below the image is a little description and so many of these put me off. "Vegan" is one phrase which leads to an automatic swipe left. I actually agree with many of the arguments for being vegan but that's not my lifestyle and it would frustrate me enormously spending time with someone who would refuse to go to McDonald's (OK, it's more complicated than that but you can see my point).
Then there's people who write "gym-obsessed" or "gym buddy". Who are these weird people that like going to the gym? It's fine if you want to be fit and healthy but I struggle to understand why people enjoy it so much it tops all other hobbies. It makes sense if you are really into a sport but being obsessed with the gym just gives me the impression that you are just a shallow person who prioritised appearance over everything else.
Another example is those that write "dog-obsessed" or "must have dog" or something along those lines. For a start I'm a cat person. I don't hate dogs though but I find it odd that you'd define yourself based on your pet. To me 'dog-obsessed' gives me the impression that you have no personality.
Sometimes it's more general. I might swipe left if the description is spelled or punctuated appallingly. The odd mistake is fine and normal but any potential partner would have some level of intelligence.
Most of these things may seem petty but I feel that's what these apps drive you to. The limited information you receive makes you judge them on such tiny things and looking at someone's Tinder profiles is no-where near as good as talking to them for five minutes. If I met someone in person I could probably look past the fact they describe themself as vegan or gym-obsessed. I can't on an app.
There are people on these apps that apparently do consider me attractive. Usually this is signified by a blurry face in the matches tab. I never seem to find these people on the app and the cynic in me can't help but wonder if they are simply an invention intended to lure me into spending money on premium membership in order to see them.
There must be a way to work out how many potential girlfriends there are. Well former University Challenge captain Bobby Seagull wrote an equation for just such a thing which I've adapted slightly.
R (UK population) x ff (fraction of people who are female) x fb (fraction of women who live in the East Dorset/West Hampshire area) x Fa (fraction of age-appropriate women in target area) x fp (fraction of age-appropriate women in target area that I am attracted to) x L (length of time I have been alive and open to the chance of meeting a potential girlfriend) = G (number of potential girlfriends).
Simple, right? Time to for some quick maths...
66,000,000 x 0.5 x 0.057 x 0.038 x 0.4 x 10.5 = 300,207.6
So there you have it, if my maths is correct (which frankly is unlikely as I'm no mathematician and I've had to estimate several of the figures) there should be over three hundred thousand potential girlfriends out there. So that really makes me think I ought to be getting more matches on dating apps.
So what have we learnt today? I suppose it's that romance makes no sense and that Tinder is rubbish. I suppose this is hardly an original realisation but that makes it no less true. Over and out.
I find that I get very few matches and can never quite understand why that is. Whilst I don't consider myself particularly attractive, for my own sanity I have to assume that some women are attracted to me. Even if only 5% of everyone that sees me on the app swipe right then I still ought to be getting more matches than I do.
Maybe it's me. To match with someone both parties need to state that they want to match with each other. Am I too fussy when I'm swiping? Whilst I hate the way these apps promote physical appearance, that is the first thing I find myself judging before swiping. I'm not especially judgmental when it comes to this but equally there are plenty of women's profiles who I look at and conclude I am not attracted to them. That's not to say I think they are ugly but they just don't do anything for me. Conversely, there's plenty of women that I do find attractive but I could never form a relationship with the sort of person who happily displays as much flesh as the app's rules allow. If people want to do that it's fine, but it's not for me.
Below the image is a little description and so many of these put me off. "Vegan" is one phrase which leads to an automatic swipe left. I actually agree with many of the arguments for being vegan but that's not my lifestyle and it would frustrate me enormously spending time with someone who would refuse to go to McDonald's (OK, it's more complicated than that but you can see my point).
Then there's people who write "gym-obsessed" or "gym buddy". Who are these weird people that like going to the gym? It's fine if you want to be fit and healthy but I struggle to understand why people enjoy it so much it tops all other hobbies. It makes sense if you are really into a sport but being obsessed with the gym just gives me the impression that you are just a shallow person who prioritised appearance over everything else.
Another example is those that write "dog-obsessed" or "must have dog" or something along those lines. For a start I'm a cat person. I don't hate dogs though but I find it odd that you'd define yourself based on your pet. To me 'dog-obsessed' gives me the impression that you have no personality.
Sometimes it's more general. I might swipe left if the description is spelled or punctuated appallingly. The odd mistake is fine and normal but any potential partner would have some level of intelligence.
Most of these things may seem petty but I feel that's what these apps drive you to. The limited information you receive makes you judge them on such tiny things and looking at someone's Tinder profiles is no-where near as good as talking to them for five minutes. If I met someone in person I could probably look past the fact they describe themself as vegan or gym-obsessed. I can't on an app.
There are people on these apps that apparently do consider me attractive. Usually this is signified by a blurry face in the matches tab. I never seem to find these people on the app and the cynic in me can't help but wonder if they are simply an invention intended to lure me into spending money on premium membership in order to see them.
There must be a way to work out how many potential girlfriends there are. Well former University Challenge captain Bobby Seagull wrote an equation for just such a thing which I've adapted slightly.
R (UK population) x ff (fraction of people who are female) x fb (fraction of women who live in the East Dorset/West Hampshire area) x Fa (fraction of age-appropriate women in target area) x fp (fraction of age-appropriate women in target area that I am attracted to) x L (length of time I have been alive and open to the chance of meeting a potential girlfriend) = G (number of potential girlfriends).
Simple, right? Time to for some quick maths...
66,000,000 x 0.5 x 0.057 x 0.038 x 0.4 x 10.5 = 300,207.6
So there you have it, if my maths is correct (which frankly is unlikely as I'm no mathematician and I've had to estimate several of the figures) there should be over three hundred thousand potential girlfriends out there. So that really makes me think I ought to be getting more matches on dating apps.
So what have we learnt today? I suppose it's that romance makes no sense and that Tinder is rubbish. I suppose this is hardly an original realisation but that makes it no less true. Over and out.
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