The Adventure of the Dyspraxia Diary
In recent months I've discussed different ways having dyspraxia affects me but it occurred to me that I've not really discussed it in more general terms. Throughout the week I've noted down what I shall refer to as 'dyspraxia moments', times when I'm doing something and thinking that people without dyspraxia don't generally face these ridiculous struggles. It's not a complete list but I think it highlights most aspects that I regularly find difficult.
Monday 17th June
7:35AM
Before I go to work I need to trim my beard. This is a delicate task and I know from experience how easy it is to accidentally take off a massive chunk and leaving an odd bald patch. Still, I can get away with only trimming my beard once or twice a week and that's a lot better than having to shave every day, a task I found fiddly and laborious. I only grew a beard because it made my life easier and it's fortunate that I seem to suit having one.
Personal care in general is hard. I've also found it difficult to do tasks like make my hair look in anyway not messy, although the one benefit of my hair thinning is this has become easier. I am acutely aware that sometimes I can turn up to places looking a bit of a mess and that's after trying to make an effort to look smarter. I've reached a point where I accept that I am never going to be a smart person and not to worry about other people judging me.
1:45PM
The class I work in are walking to a nearby playground and as we reach the doors of the school I attempt to put my sunglasses on. You wouldn't have thought that this would be particularly challenging. Indeed, I didn't at the time. I am holding something in my left hand so I attempt to open the arms of the sunglasses with one hand and my mouth. Inexplicably I manage to trap my lip in one arm of the glasses which leads to pain and a small quantity of blood. I suck the affected area and glance around hoping no-one has spotted my incompetence; fortunately, no-one has.
Tuesday 18th June
8:40AM
It's the time before the students arrive so I'm busy setting up the classroom for the day and attending to various tasks that need doing. One such task is returning a small pile of books to the school library. There's about seven in the pile with three of them being much smaller than the others. Somehow I manage to drop the three smaller books as I walk down the corridor because apparently I can't carry more than one thing at once without dropping things. I swear at the books as if it's their fault before quickly remembering I work in a school and such language is inappropriate. Fortunately, no-one is around.
12:10PM
The students are eating lunch and one of them needs me to unwrap some biscuits wrapped in cling-film. The biscuits may as well have been stored in a Japanese puzzle box because it takes me a similar amount of time to unravel them. Cling-film is one several inventions that feel like they make the world better for everyone but me.
3:45PM
I'm walking across the car park at the end of my working day, rushing through yet another bout of rain. Much to my frustration, one of my shoelaces has become undone. Shoelaces are an invention I despise more than cling-film. Kids wear velcro shoes and this is infinitely better- sadly few adult shoes seem to have velcro. I couldn't tie my shoe laces until I was about eighteen and was bullied for it when I was in the Cubs. I wish I knew about having dyspraxia back then and perhaps I wouldn't have felt quite so useless.
Whilst I can tie shoe laces now, I'm not very good at it. I can do the required motion but ensuring they are tight enough is a tricky thing. Many pairs of shoes require a double knot, which is some kind of magical spell that I can attempt but at best only partially succeed at.
Wednesday 19th June
2:40PM
The class are learning cricket skills in PE and somehow find myself centre stage with a bat as the students take it in turns to bowl at me. My balls skills are relatively good and it's the one thing on a list of typical dyspraxia 'symptoms' which I don't find too difficult. I was brought up constantly being made to catch and throw by my father and I think the endless practicing helped me in that regard.
That said, I'm only any good with my right hand. Most people have a dominant hand but my right hand is significantly dominant. Beyond holding things, my left hand is useless. I also lack the control of a proper sportsman. Sure, I can hit the ball but most people who play cricket are able to control where it goes. With a group of small children gathered round at close range I fear rendering one unconscious. One of my strikes does go horrifically close to a child's head but by sheer luck skims over the top.
3:45PM
I'm driving home. I am acutely aware that so many people with dyspraxia find driving so difficult they are not able to do it. It did take a huge amount of lessons and four tests before I could pass but at least I got there in the end. I'm not exactly a confident driver but I can get from place to place without hitting anything, most of the time at least.
Some kind driver lets me pull out and I know I should now show my thanks in a gesture. I hate this moment. It feels like everyone else had lessons on how to do the thank you gesture but I just don't know how to do it and either wave my hand randomly or do nothing and let them think I'm rude. I either look weird or ungrateful and I think in the end I'd rather they didn't let me pull out.
Thursday 20th June
1:20PM
I return from my lunch break and immediately proceed to walk into one of the small cupboards in the classroom. The furniture hasn't moved for well over a year yet somehow I still managed to walk into things on a regular basis. In a classroom set up for small children, most items are about thigh height so it's fairly common for me to have a bruise on at least one of my thighs at any one time.
5:25PM
I walk out of the kitchen and somehow manage to stub not one but two toes on a door frame. This wasn't your typical stubbing toe incident- I actually stub them on the far side of the doorway in mid-air. I am not sure how this is possible but I'm in too much pain to worry about it. I suppose I essentially kicked the door frame on the way out now I am in agony that lasts for a good ten minutes.
Friday 21st June
10:50PM
I'm just getting ready for bed after a fairly successful but tiring day of teaching the class. My confidence in doing this is gradually growing but every now and then it receives a little knock. I suddenly remember that I forgot to do something important and hate my incompetence. This is perhaps the one dyspraxic trait that affects me most of all, my short term memory. I can remember what I had for lunch on holiday when I was seven but I can't remember something really important I was supposed to do only an hour after being given the instruction. That is until I'm about to go to bed when my brain will helpfully get round to remembering what it should have remembered earlier.
My way of avoiding issues with this is sticking with routines. If I always do the same things and put items in the same place then I'm unlikely to forget things. It's when something is not part of a routine that I have little hope of remembering it.
Saturday 22nd June
1:30PM
Summer has finally arrived so it seems sensible to put my washing outside on the line to dry. This is a task I really hate. The washing line is narrow, the pegs are fiddly yet my clothes are quite large meaning it's a real fight to get them up. Usually at least one item ends up falling on the ground and needed re-washing- today it's a sock. It seems to take me an age to hang up all the washing; I know my parents can do it about half the time.
There you go, that's some dyspraxia moments from my week. In recent months I've become increasingly aware that so many of the little difficulties I have are due to dyspraxia and on the whole that's been really beneficial.
Monday 17th June
7:35AM
Before I go to work I need to trim my beard. This is a delicate task and I know from experience how easy it is to accidentally take off a massive chunk and leaving an odd bald patch. Still, I can get away with only trimming my beard once or twice a week and that's a lot better than having to shave every day, a task I found fiddly and laborious. I only grew a beard because it made my life easier and it's fortunate that I seem to suit having one.
Personal care in general is hard. I've also found it difficult to do tasks like make my hair look in anyway not messy, although the one benefit of my hair thinning is this has become easier. I am acutely aware that sometimes I can turn up to places looking a bit of a mess and that's after trying to make an effort to look smarter. I've reached a point where I accept that I am never going to be a smart person and not to worry about other people judging me.
1:45PM
The class I work in are walking to a nearby playground and as we reach the doors of the school I attempt to put my sunglasses on. You wouldn't have thought that this would be particularly challenging. Indeed, I didn't at the time. I am holding something in my left hand so I attempt to open the arms of the sunglasses with one hand and my mouth. Inexplicably I manage to trap my lip in one arm of the glasses which leads to pain and a small quantity of blood. I suck the affected area and glance around hoping no-one has spotted my incompetence; fortunately, no-one has.
Tuesday 18th June
8:40AM
It's the time before the students arrive so I'm busy setting up the classroom for the day and attending to various tasks that need doing. One such task is returning a small pile of books to the school library. There's about seven in the pile with three of them being much smaller than the others. Somehow I manage to drop the three smaller books as I walk down the corridor because apparently I can't carry more than one thing at once without dropping things. I swear at the books as if it's their fault before quickly remembering I work in a school and such language is inappropriate. Fortunately, no-one is around.
12:10PM
The students are eating lunch and one of them needs me to unwrap some biscuits wrapped in cling-film. The biscuits may as well have been stored in a Japanese puzzle box because it takes me a similar amount of time to unravel them. Cling-film is one several inventions that feel like they make the world better for everyone but me.
3:45PM
I'm walking across the car park at the end of my working day, rushing through yet another bout of rain. Much to my frustration, one of my shoelaces has become undone. Shoelaces are an invention I despise more than cling-film. Kids wear velcro shoes and this is infinitely better- sadly few adult shoes seem to have velcro. I couldn't tie my shoe laces until I was about eighteen and was bullied for it when I was in the Cubs. I wish I knew about having dyspraxia back then and perhaps I wouldn't have felt quite so useless.
Whilst I can tie shoe laces now, I'm not very good at it. I can do the required motion but ensuring they are tight enough is a tricky thing. Many pairs of shoes require a double knot, which is some kind of magical spell that I can attempt but at best only partially succeed at.
Wednesday 19th June
2:40PM
The class are learning cricket skills in PE and somehow find myself centre stage with a bat as the students take it in turns to bowl at me. My balls skills are relatively good and it's the one thing on a list of typical dyspraxia 'symptoms' which I don't find too difficult. I was brought up constantly being made to catch and throw by my father and I think the endless practicing helped me in that regard.
That said, I'm only any good with my right hand. Most people have a dominant hand but my right hand is significantly dominant. Beyond holding things, my left hand is useless. I also lack the control of a proper sportsman. Sure, I can hit the ball but most people who play cricket are able to control where it goes. With a group of small children gathered round at close range I fear rendering one unconscious. One of my strikes does go horrifically close to a child's head but by sheer luck skims over the top.
3:45PM
I'm driving home. I am acutely aware that so many people with dyspraxia find driving so difficult they are not able to do it. It did take a huge amount of lessons and four tests before I could pass but at least I got there in the end. I'm not exactly a confident driver but I can get from place to place without hitting anything, most of the time at least.
Some kind driver lets me pull out and I know I should now show my thanks in a gesture. I hate this moment. It feels like everyone else had lessons on how to do the thank you gesture but I just don't know how to do it and either wave my hand randomly or do nothing and let them think I'm rude. I either look weird or ungrateful and I think in the end I'd rather they didn't let me pull out.
Thursday 20th June
1:20PM
I return from my lunch break and immediately proceed to walk into one of the small cupboards in the classroom. The furniture hasn't moved for well over a year yet somehow I still managed to walk into things on a regular basis. In a classroom set up for small children, most items are about thigh height so it's fairly common for me to have a bruise on at least one of my thighs at any one time.
5:25PM
I walk out of the kitchen and somehow manage to stub not one but two toes on a door frame. This wasn't your typical stubbing toe incident- I actually stub them on the far side of the doorway in mid-air. I am not sure how this is possible but I'm in too much pain to worry about it. I suppose I essentially kicked the door frame on the way out now I am in agony that lasts for a good ten minutes.
Friday 21st June
10:50PM
I'm just getting ready for bed after a fairly successful but tiring day of teaching the class. My confidence in doing this is gradually growing but every now and then it receives a little knock. I suddenly remember that I forgot to do something important and hate my incompetence. This is perhaps the one dyspraxic trait that affects me most of all, my short term memory. I can remember what I had for lunch on holiday when I was seven but I can't remember something really important I was supposed to do only an hour after being given the instruction. That is until I'm about to go to bed when my brain will helpfully get round to remembering what it should have remembered earlier.
My way of avoiding issues with this is sticking with routines. If I always do the same things and put items in the same place then I'm unlikely to forget things. It's when something is not part of a routine that I have little hope of remembering it.
Saturday 22nd June
1:30PM
Summer has finally arrived so it seems sensible to put my washing outside on the line to dry. This is a task I really hate. The washing line is narrow, the pegs are fiddly yet my clothes are quite large meaning it's a real fight to get them up. Usually at least one item ends up falling on the ground and needed re-washing- today it's a sock. It seems to take me an age to hang up all the washing; I know my parents can do it about half the time.
There you go, that's some dyspraxia moments from my week. In recent months I've become increasingly aware that so many of the little difficulties I have are due to dyspraxia and on the whole that's been really beneficial.
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