Upgrade Complete
Since I last wrote, I became twenty-seven. It's a number that seem inconceivably big. It's perhaps appropriate that new research from Cambridge University was published this week which claims that your brain doesn't mature until you are thirty- essentially you do not become an adult until around the time of your thirtieth birthday.
This seems plausible to me. Sometimes I still feel like I'm sixteen, barely knowing how to function. I am however starting to have a feeling like I know what I'm doing more regularly. I can have a week where I drive a reasonable distance to do a quite challenging course one day and then teach a class of autistic children all day the next. Yet it's still perfectly plausible to find me in the evening watching Scooby-Doo 2 whilst eating jelly popping candy chocolate.
Whilst my brain is developing, it sometimes feels like my body is starting to do the opposite. I awoke just two days after my twenty-seventh birthday to find that most of my torso was in immense pain. Somewhere within my back or possible my neck there's an issue with a nerve. For several days pain flowed throughout my nervous system if I dared to move, mostly around my back and shoulders but tingling it's way down my arms on occasion like an electric shock. A week later and I'm still having occasional spikes of pain for no apparent reason.
I've spent several weeks of the last few months suffering with pain thanks to this and my car accident. It's given me a greater sympathy for people that suffer with arthritis and other painful conditions. Being in constant pain day after day with the intensity varying for no obvious reason is awful and it can really affect your mood. It's so difficult to be a pleasant and cheery person when you are in immense pain.
The mission statement of this blog is "to find myself, to find my place in life and improve who I am, to become a Dan version 2.0". I've never felt closer to achieving that then I do right now. I still have doubts and anxieties but I now understand that's part of who I am. When I did the first day of the course I mentioned above the thought of going to a new place with people I didn't know made me hugely anxious to the point I had anxiety dreams the night before and had to try really hard not to vomit that morning. But I successfully made it there and managed to interact with people reasonably normally.
I'm beginning to understand how my dyspraxic brain works, the way I process things slowly but in a way that works for me. I'm more happy with being an introvert. The other weekend I went out for a walk and then went to see Captain Marvel (which I loved by the way) by myself- I enjoyed myself and realised that no part of the experience would have been enhanced by the addition of another person. My career now seems to be heading in the right direction.
I started this blog in 2014 when I felt lost and hopeless. I tend to view it as my quarter-life crisis. But now I think the upgrade is complete. I have found myself, I have found my place in life and I have improved who I am. I have become Dan version 2.0.
Next time you arrive here things will have changed. A new name and a new look is coming- even I don't know what it will be just yet. My ramblings will continue and the journey isn't over- with any software update there's always improvements to be made. Thanks for being part of the upgrade.
This seems plausible to me. Sometimes I still feel like I'm sixteen, barely knowing how to function. I am however starting to have a feeling like I know what I'm doing more regularly. I can have a week where I drive a reasonable distance to do a quite challenging course one day and then teach a class of autistic children all day the next. Yet it's still perfectly plausible to find me in the evening watching Scooby-Doo 2 whilst eating jelly popping candy chocolate.
Whilst my brain is developing, it sometimes feels like my body is starting to do the opposite. I awoke just two days after my twenty-seventh birthday to find that most of my torso was in immense pain. Somewhere within my back or possible my neck there's an issue with a nerve. For several days pain flowed throughout my nervous system if I dared to move, mostly around my back and shoulders but tingling it's way down my arms on occasion like an electric shock. A week later and I'm still having occasional spikes of pain for no apparent reason.
The mission statement of this blog is "to find myself, to find my place in life and improve who I am, to become a Dan version 2.0". I've never felt closer to achieving that then I do right now. I still have doubts and anxieties but I now understand that's part of who I am. When I did the first day of the course I mentioned above the thought of going to a new place with people I didn't know made me hugely anxious to the point I had anxiety dreams the night before and had to try really hard not to vomit that morning. But I successfully made it there and managed to interact with people reasonably normally.
I'm beginning to understand how my dyspraxic brain works, the way I process things slowly but in a way that works for me. I'm more happy with being an introvert. The other weekend I went out for a walk and then went to see Captain Marvel (which I loved by the way) by myself- I enjoyed myself and realised that no part of the experience would have been enhanced by the addition of another person. My career now seems to be heading in the right direction.
I started this blog in 2014 when I felt lost and hopeless. I tend to view it as my quarter-life crisis. But now I think the upgrade is complete. I have found myself, I have found my place in life and I have improved who I am. I have become Dan version 2.0.
Next time you arrive here things will have changed. A new name and a new look is coming- even I don't know what it will be just yet. My ramblings will continue and the journey isn't over- with any software update there's always improvements to be made. Thanks for being part of the upgrade.
Comments
Post a Comment