Reaching for the Stars

Today NASA have landed a spacecraft on Mars and I’m delighted to have a link to it. On board Insight is a fingernail-sized microchip which contains my name (along with 2.4 million others). Whilst it’s extremely unlikely I’ll ever go into space myself, there’s something brilliant knowing that my name is currently 34 million miles away on another planet. 



I’ve also been reaching for the stars in another way lately. In this case it’s the more figurative meaning, to have high or ambitious aims.

About six weeks ago an internal job application was announced at work for an HLTA, a higher level teaching assistant. It’s essentially a middle ground between being a teaching assistant and a teacher, exactly the sort of thing I’ve been seeking for some time. It would be a big step on terms of both responsibility and pay.

Immediately after it was advertised my lack of self-confidence bubbled up as it tends to do in such situations. I think any job application requires some level of confidence in the applicant that they can both do the job, and perhaps more importantly, convince someone else that they can do the job.

I had a tough week at work following the advertisement but that was probably for the best. I find it’s when things are really tough that I can finally admit to myself that I can actually do it. 

So in the application went. I know I’m good at applications- perhaps the one thing I do have self-confidence in is my writing. It was therefore not a great surprise when I was invited to interview. This was the time to panic.

I am terrible at interviews. Frankly I can be awkward in my social interactions at the best of times but add the nerves and I really fall apart. I remember when was job searching four and a half years ago and was invited to interview after interview and failed to convince people to hire me. I was even rejected for my current job after the interview before some kind person took pity on me.

Nerves have caused me a lot of problems over the years. I failed three driving tests largely because of nerves. Nerves were a major factor in why I failed my final teaching placement. I was so nervous I threw up at every one of my placement schools. Indeed, I have a proud record of vomiting in schools across the South of England. 

Early on a Friday morning I found myself once again being interviewed. I just about managed to hold in my vomit, though I couldn’t even stomach the water that was offered to me. I was far from eloquent but for once I left the room feeling like I’d actually put across everything I had planned to.

I was far from happy with how it all went but eventually the news came through that I had got the job. There are various hoops to jump through including a short qualification but the hardest work is done. 

It feels great. The money is going to be significant to me but that is far from what I consider the most important aspect. It’s such a wonderful feeling to be given such a boost, to have someone say they have confidence in me. Already I’m feeling more confident in myself, something that has been lacking for so long. 

A new chapter begins. I feel closer to becoming Dan 2.0 than ever before.

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