Personal Peculiarities
I regularly spend time thinking about who I am. Part of that is being dyspraxic, something I've discussed from time to time here. Dyspraxia, or "developmental coordination disorder" is a mild learning difficulty, historically referred to as 'clumsy child syndrome', though it continues into adulthood. It essentially means I'm incredibly clumsy, have terrible balance and am terrible at sport or anything that requires dexterity.
I sometimes wonder how much it affects other areas of my life. There are plenty of other traits beyond the physical ones and I question how much the direction of my life has been unknowingly shaped by this disorder. I should point out that I only discovered I have dyspraxia in my early twenties when I was studying special needs for a module at university and suddenly discovered a perfect description of my childhood. Even now I know relatively little about it so today I'm looking into some of the non-physical traits.
"Some people with dyspraxia have difficulty with organising the content and sequence of their language". This describes me, especially if I'm a bit nervous about who I'm talking to. I practise over and over again in my head before saying something and even then it often comes out making little sense. This is why I'm so into writing because for some reason my writing comes across much more eloquently than my speech. I'm sure this has had an effect on my social life because I find having verbal conversations difficult. I end up being quiet even when I know I have something valuable to add to the conversation.
"Speech may have uncontrolled pitch, volume and rate". This is one I really hate. I'm perhaps better than I once was but my speech can end up being far louder than is appropriate, especially if I get over-excited.
Pitch is also something I probably find difficult. It's not something you particularly notice in everyday life but one of the big issues I was criticised for on my final teaching placement was talking in a monotone way to the class. It's not something I was aware I did (do?) and I found this really unpleasant because I struggled to control it. It's one thing being criticised for something you know is your fault but another when you are trying your best to deal with it. This certainly contributed to failing that teaching placement and ending my teaching career.
"Difficulty in distinguishing sounds from background noise. Tendency to be over-sensitive to noise". This is certainly true. If someone is talking to me in a busy room I find it really hard to focus on what they are saying. I am definitely over-sensitive to noise and I hate certain noises. Generally it's high-pitched ones- I liked trains as kid but the whistles of steam trains terrified me. The way this affects me most as an adult is when I'm walking somewhere and a motorbike goes past. It usually makes me jump and I get an unpleasant feeling throughout my body.
"Over or under sensitive to smell and taste, temperature and pain". To some extent I may be under-sensitive to smell and taste- I certainly prefer foods with a stronger flavour- but it's temperature that captures my attention here. I am really sensitive to temperature to the extent I usually use the cold tap when washing my hands- fortunately it turns out that the temperature of the water makes no difference to the amount of bacteria you remove.
"Inadequate sense of direction. Difficulty distinguishing right from left means map reading skills are poor". Yes, very much so. Because I'm walking a lot people seem to think I know where I'm going so I am regularly stopped and asked for directions. I am really pleased when I don't actually know where the place is they want to go but often in my home town I do and feel I ought to try and give directions myself. I could walk or drive there easily but I find explaining the way incredibly difficult. Usually I have a stab at it and then realise about half an hour later I missed out a key step in the directions.
Fortunately maps have come on a long way in recent years and I can use Google Maps to navigate by. I do often end walking in the wrong direction but a handy blue dot on the screen makes me quickly realise my mistake. I would literally be lost without Google Maps.
"May have difficulty sleeping." This is something I was aware was linked with dyspraxia. As I understand it, problems with short-term memory and processing information means thoughts tend to catch up with me at the end of the day. When I go to bed my head is buzzing with thoughts about things that have happened that day, often with strategies to help the autistic children I work with. I have most of my best ideas at this time but it means I regularly spend hours and hours thinking about things when I really need to be sleeping.
"Tend to get stressed, depressed and anxious easily." This certainly describes me. I have wondered how other people can cope in the same situation when I feel to anxious and stressed that I can barely function. Mind you, people probably think I'm always so calm but that's because I am terrible at communicating, especially when it comes to my feelings. The previous academic year when I was faced with a really challenging class and shortness of staff was one of the worst of my life. I was really miserable and couldn't see an ending to it- I applied for several jobs but was unsuccessful in all. If it hadn't been for the regular weeks off that come with working in a school I really don't know what would have happened to me. I am pleased to say though that things are significantly better this year and for the first time in a while I am genuinely enjoying my job again.
As I discover more about dyspraxia, I realise that it encompasses more and more of my character traits. I have gradually learnt how to deal with most of them though and whilst my life may not be taking the direction I would once have imagined it would, I am for the most part happy with how things are going.
I sometimes wonder how much it affects other areas of my life. There are plenty of other traits beyond the physical ones and I question how much the direction of my life has been unknowingly shaped by this disorder. I should point out that I only discovered I have dyspraxia in my early twenties when I was studying special needs for a module at university and suddenly discovered a perfect description of my childhood. Even now I know relatively little about it so today I'm looking into some of the non-physical traits.
"Some people with dyspraxia have difficulty with organising the content and sequence of their language". This describes me, especially if I'm a bit nervous about who I'm talking to. I practise over and over again in my head before saying something and even then it often comes out making little sense. This is why I'm so into writing because for some reason my writing comes across much more eloquently than my speech. I'm sure this has had an effect on my social life because I find having verbal conversations difficult. I end up being quiet even when I know I have something valuable to add to the conversation.
"Speech may have uncontrolled pitch, volume and rate". This is one I really hate. I'm perhaps better than I once was but my speech can end up being far louder than is appropriate, especially if I get over-excited.
Pitch is also something I probably find difficult. It's not something you particularly notice in everyday life but one of the big issues I was criticised for on my final teaching placement was talking in a monotone way to the class. It's not something I was aware I did (do?) and I found this really unpleasant because I struggled to control it. It's one thing being criticised for something you know is your fault but another when you are trying your best to deal with it. This certainly contributed to failing that teaching placement and ending my teaching career.
"Difficulty in distinguishing sounds from background noise. Tendency to be over-sensitive to noise". This is certainly true. If someone is talking to me in a busy room I find it really hard to focus on what they are saying. I am definitely over-sensitive to noise and I hate certain noises. Generally it's high-pitched ones- I liked trains as kid but the whistles of steam trains terrified me. The way this affects me most as an adult is when I'm walking somewhere and a motorbike goes past. It usually makes me jump and I get an unpleasant feeling throughout my body.
"Over or under sensitive to smell and taste, temperature and pain". To some extent I may be under-sensitive to smell and taste- I certainly prefer foods with a stronger flavour- but it's temperature that captures my attention here. I am really sensitive to temperature to the extent I usually use the cold tap when washing my hands- fortunately it turns out that the temperature of the water makes no difference to the amount of bacteria you remove.
"Inadequate sense of direction. Difficulty distinguishing right from left means map reading skills are poor". Yes, very much so. Because I'm walking a lot people seem to think I know where I'm going so I am regularly stopped and asked for directions. I am really pleased when I don't actually know where the place is they want to go but often in my home town I do and feel I ought to try and give directions myself. I could walk or drive there easily but I find explaining the way incredibly difficult. Usually I have a stab at it and then realise about half an hour later I missed out a key step in the directions.
Fortunately maps have come on a long way in recent years and I can use Google Maps to navigate by. I do often end walking in the wrong direction but a handy blue dot on the screen makes me quickly realise my mistake. I would literally be lost without Google Maps.
"May have difficulty sleeping." This is something I was aware was linked with dyspraxia. As I understand it, problems with short-term memory and processing information means thoughts tend to catch up with me at the end of the day. When I go to bed my head is buzzing with thoughts about things that have happened that day, often with strategies to help the autistic children I work with. I have most of my best ideas at this time but it means I regularly spend hours and hours thinking about things when I really need to be sleeping.
"Tend to get stressed, depressed and anxious easily." This certainly describes me. I have wondered how other people can cope in the same situation when I feel to anxious and stressed that I can barely function. Mind you, people probably think I'm always so calm but that's because I am terrible at communicating, especially when it comes to my feelings. The previous academic year when I was faced with a really challenging class and shortness of staff was one of the worst of my life. I was really miserable and couldn't see an ending to it- I applied for several jobs but was unsuccessful in all. If it hadn't been for the regular weeks off that come with working in a school I really don't know what would have happened to me. I am pleased to say though that things are significantly better this year and for the first time in a while I am genuinely enjoying my job again.
As I discover more about dyspraxia, I realise that it encompasses more and more of my character traits. I have gradually learnt how to deal with most of them though and whilst my life may not be taking the direction I would once have imagined it would, I am for the most part happy with how things are going.
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