The Problem with Men

The news has been dominated recently by news of powerful people in Hollywood, Westminster and beyond. It turns out various men in positions of power have been sexually assaulting people. I don’t think it’s a surprise that this happens but it’s horrible to hear of the specific people involved and the horrific things they’ve done.

Before I go any further I want to make it clear my views on this in case my writing doesn’t make it clear. I have no sympathy for the perpetrators of this type of crime and every sympathy for the victims. I can’t begin to imagine the psychological effect this has on victims and how hard it must be to come out and tell the world a terrible moment of their life. Some still accuse victims of bringing it on themselves but the only person to blame is the abuser.

The whole situation is really unsettling. Is this what men are really like? I’ve never been the most ‘laddish’ of guys and I’m glad of that if this is what it means. This isn’t about me and I’m not going to start with the ‘not all men’ argument. What I am trying to do is understand why men do this kind of thing.

Specifically, these men have been raping and touching victims, verbally degrading them and showing their genitals. They’ve got away with it by using their position to intimidate their victims into staying silent.

How can these people live with themselves? To go so far to get their end away and destroy someone’s life in the process. Surely they know just how wrong their actions are?

I think some of these people, especially those who commit the very worst crimes, have mental health issues. They either don’t care that they are a monster or can’t resist temptation. I don’t think there’s a whole lot we can really do about these people- all we can do is ensure they are stopped when they do something awful. How many of the celebrities currently in the spotlight had accusations towards them ignored or not investigated fully?

I think other people, generally those who commit what society would describe as “less serious” crimes, genuinely don’t understand what they are doing is wrong. It probably stemmed from being a teenager surrounded by friends who all thought objectifying and groping women was something to be proud of. No-one has ever convinced these people that this is totally unacceptable.

It’s ridiculous in a civilised world that “lad” behaviour still exists. When I was a student a lot of my friends were women (there was a ratio of 8:2 female to male on my course). I regularly used to go out to clubs with them and find myself having to try and stop men from groping and grinding on them. I wasn’t that confident a person and probably didn’t do as much as I could have to stop it- I was intimidated by these people. I feel guilty about not having done enough but then I think no, it wasn’t my fault it was the idiots that were doing it.

That sort of thing remains perfectly accepted behaviour amongst young men, encouraged even. I don’t know why. What makes you cool, what makes you a true man, is knowing how to behave like a human being.

I hope at least some good things can come out of this scandal. I hope men start to understand what’s right and what’s wrong. I hope that organisations will now not protect the accused and investigate accusations seriously. I hope that victims are able to feel more confident about speaking up.

I’ll end with a few things for any men that happen to be reading this that still don’t get it, still don’t understand the effect their behaviour can have.

First of all, here’s a video which explains consent- using tea.

Finally, this is a really sad video that highlights what it’s like to be a rape victim. (This contains some detailed descriptions so be aware).

I hope I’ve done this difficult subject justice. It may be difficult but it’s so vital we talk about it.