The Adventures of Dysfunctional Dan

45 years ago today humans first landed on the Moon. We’ve all seen the famous footage of Neil Armstrong as he says those famous words “this is one small step for a* man, one giant leap for mankind”. Unfortunately, Mr Armstrong was wrong. It should have been a giant leap forward for mankind and it probably felt like it at the time but nothing really came of it. In the three years after Apollo 11, another ten astronauts walked on to the Moon (one of them played golf). The last was 1972 and no human has even been in the Moon’s orbit since then. For only three years was there a regular succession of humans stepping on another ‘world’. And that was it. Apollo 17, December 1973 This worries me. In the 21st century the idea of humans colonising other parts of the solar system, the galaxy and even more seems a ridiculous idea, something out of science-fiction. But back in the middle of the 20th century it seemed perfectly logical, the way we were heading. We really need to get a shi...

Previously on Dan 2.0: My job search was not going well. I had two interviews and was rejected for both jobs. I had one more interview to come, my final hope of having a school-based job for the upcoming school year. I considered drawing this out in a post re-telling events in a tense filled way, but I am so excited I just have to talk about it from the off. I HAVE A JOB! The last six months have been awful and I couldn’t be more pleased to finally have some good news to share. In fact, I feel something akin to this: Logic dictates that I must have done rather well at that third interview and offered a job there. In this case, logic is hopelessly wrong. I was doing my best to prepare for the interview and was more nervous than ever seeing as though it felt like my last chance and I’d messed up on the previous two interviews. It was Monday lunch-time and after finishing some building work on the Family Guy: Quest for Stuff (which I may be a little obsessed with) when I thought ...

Another week, another interview. My interview last week was not a success and this didn’t help to make me any less nervous. And last week I wasn’t that keen on the job, whereas this week I really wanted it. The pressure was on. From the moment I pressed the intercom to be let into the school grounds the familiar job interview awkwardness began. I always find new situations and new people difficult but usually that’s not much of a problem as I can sit quietly and just get through the situation. The trouble is at a job interview I have to try to be assertive and conversational because that is kind of the point. To me it feels like I am having to act the character of “employable professional” but without a script, meaning it is all improvisation. It’s only when I’m asked an expected question when I can use my mental script and it sounds really good. Unfortunately there is no way you can predict everything they are going to ask you. This is what I feel like when I reflect...

For the last few weeks I have had nothing much to report but this week is different. This week, I have actual news. Does this mean I am now happily employed? Well, you’ll have to read until the end to find out! Monday was a big day because it was the day our uni results were published. I am now the owner of a 2.1 degree in primary teaching. A 2.1 is a pretty decent degree to fairly pleased about that. I’m mostly apathetic about the whole thing though as it was kind of irrelevant what level degree I achieved, it is still little use in getting a non primary teaching job. Late last week I received an invite to interview for one of the jobs I applied for. This invite was quickly followed by a shopping trip because my parents had decided that I required an entire new suit for the occasion, despite the fact I considered my old one perfectly fine. I feel that as long as I look presentable it doesn’t matter- not having a brand new outfit is the least of your worries when you find normal c...

24th March 2014. A bespectacled man sits opposite me with a grim expression on his face. By this point I realise my fate is inevitable but this conversation is unavoidable. I’m desperate to escape, to be anywhere but there. The man delivers the news kindly but it doesn’t hurt any less for it. I’ve failed my teaching practice. That is the sort of flashback I seem to have on a regular basis at the moment. My final year teaching practice was the worst period of my life. Every day was a battle just to get through and I was so disappointed to have failed. Eventually I decided that teaching wasn’t for me, that as much as I wanted to keep going I knew I would always be doomed to failure. I’m just not teacher material. That is why my current position is so hard. Thousands of graduates end their degree and have no idea what to do next but I suspect hardly any didn’t know it was coming. Right up until the middle of March I was certain that my future lay in teaching, as I had been for over f...

A month has now passed since I finished university and I am still no closer to finding a job. Some days have been indescribably challenging. On these days I manage find until about dinner time at which point I feel hollow. It’s so infuriating after four years of uni to leave with nothing. The only thing I gained there was weight. Hmm, that was a bleak start. But then again it really is a bleak life at the moment, the few moments of joy mostly coming from the fictional worlds of the many books I am zooming through. I have applied for three more jobs this week, all of which are school-based support posts which involve supporting children with special needs. Each is a very different circumstance so any of them would be interesting. I’ve down applied for a fair few jobs and have constantly been frustrated about the application forms. Jobs in the education sector don’t usually want a CV, you have to fill all your details out on a form with part of that form being some sort of cover let...

The football World Cup is back and unlike millions of others I am not excited in the least. This shot from The IT Crowd, one of my favourite TV shows, pretty much summarises my feelings on it: As an English man in my twenties I really ought to be into football. Virtually every man I know of my age has an interest, especially in the World Cup. I was thinking about much I simply don’t conform. I am not your typical English guy by any stretch of the imagination. The sport thing is just the tip of the iceberg. Probably the next big thing after being into sport is being into drinking beer down the pub. Now I’ve done some drinking in my time but I’ve never been a huge fan of going out. I also detest beer and would really struggle to finish a pint of the stuff. The closest I get is cider but I’ll just have happily have some kind of spirit or wine. Then there’s my career choices. A typical man’s job depends on his level of education and goes up from some form of construction to a sa...