Men-tal health

I recently met up with a friend who I hadn't seen for a few years due to busy lives and you know, this pandemic thing. If it's someone you're close to it doesn't matter how much time has passed, it still feels just the same as it always did. We chatted about a range of subjects but one thing that came up was some mental health struggles he'd gone through. 

Laster as I reflected on this it occurred to me that I've had similar conversations with quite a lot of men around the same age as me. My own anecdotal experiences mean I recognise the scale of the issue but the statistics if anything are more disturbing. Suicide is the the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49 in the UK, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease. Around 75% of suicides in the UK are of men. 

I didn't imagine I'd particularly relate to Princess Diana when I went to see the film Spencer but there was one moment which I connected to. Diana stands at the top of some tall stairs and for a brief moment considers throwing herself down them. It instantly reminded me of when I was at my lowest ebb, walking along a busy road and having the powerful thought that I could throw myself in front of a passing vehicle and it would stop. It was the briefest of moments yet felt like an eternity. Eventually the thought passed and over time things got better. It doesn't seem implausible to imagine that thought not passing and growing, something which happens to far too many men. I know of a guy in my school year that unfortunately did commit suicide, an utter tragedy.

Suicide is of course the more dramatic end of the scale but it makes you think about the enormous number of young men going through mental health issues. Why is that the case? As in all things, I suspect it's a complicated amalgamation of a variety of issues. 

One of the biggest factors is that many men struggle to talk about their feelings. Women are actually more likely to have depression but they are also far more likely to seek help for it. There's still a hangover from the age where men couldn't talk about their feelings and should act like emotionless robots, no matter what's really going on. It certainly doesn't make you any less of a man to admit you are struggling. I do think things are beginning to change in this regard and the fact I've had so many conversations about mental health seems to suggest that. It's certainly still a problem but I think the campaigns focusing on talking about mental health are at least starting to make a difference.

However, the modern world creates other problems. If you are about thirty like me then you are the first generation to grow up with social media. When I started secondary school most of didn't even have a mobile phone and we'd mess around on platforms like MySpace and Bebo on our dial-up internet. By the time we came of age social media had become huge and what had become a bit of fun took a different turn. Don't get me wrong, social media does have huge benefits but it comes at a cost. The constant, instant access to news and the constant debate and discussion of it on social media really doesn't do your brain any good. The other thing is what other people post on social media. Everyone curates the best bits of their lives and it's easy to compare yourself to others and feel less successful and less of a valid person. This is of course nonsense and as everyone is different comparing yourself makes no sense but it still remains hard to balance that knowledge with the thoughts in your head. 

Something which seems to be rarely talked about when you read articles about mental health is it's links to neurodiversity. My friend has recently been diagnosed as autistic and I have talked here about discovering I have dyspraxia as an adult. I find it deeply frustrating that educational professionals didn't pick up on these when we were at school. One of the big 'What If's' of my life is what if I someone had recognised I had dyspraxia when I was at primary school. How much earlier would I have been able to overcome some of the challenges I have faced, how much earlier would I have understood who I am? 

I like to think things are improving in this regard and it certainly appears that diagnoses of neurodiverse conditions are on the rise. However, there's still a long way to go and even more crucially there's still a huge lack of support once diagnoses has been made. 

This brings us onto another important problem. I've heard of several friends who have taken the huge step of seeking professional help with their mental health issues but it simply isn't there. It seems you can be waiting months to see someone and even then the help is fairly short term. Some have sought private therapy but most have to rely on the support of friends and family, which is not easy and not everyone even has a decent support network. You regularly hear politicians talk about the importance of mental health and how they are increasing funding for support but it's not even close to being enough. 

There are some places you can go. The charity Mind do incredible work and have a range of resources on their website. If you need to talk to someone you can call the Samaritans for free on 116 123 or you might prefer to e-mail them at jo@samaritans.org. There's also the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) who you phone or webchat to between 5PM and 12AM and have a website full of information and support.

It's awful that charities offer the best mental health support but such is the world we live in. We do have a voice though, whether that is through our votes or by putting pressure on MPs and other officials to improve things, whether that's through petitions or other means.

If you are struggling with your mental health, the best thing you can do is talk about it. It's easy to say that and hard to but there is enormous power in sharing those feelings. I know that I am always available to listen to anyone who is struggling or just needs a friend and I hope that you are too.