The Adventures of Dysfunctional Dan

This week I've written a short piece of fiction which was inspired by being in lockdown, with some influence from the Korean film Oldboy  too. I did begin a zombie-story but actually I felt like my lockdown fiction ought to be more about the joy of the real world than virus-related horror. I hope you like it! For a moment, the sunlight blinds me. It takes several minutes before my eyes really adjust- they've not had to process natural light for such a long time. The sunlight triggers the memory of the last time I saw it.  It was early one summer morning, the sun just staring to rise. I was making my way home but was so inebriated that the ten minute walk home from the pub had so far taken nearly an hour. Then suddenly everything went dark.  I awoke to find myself in what looked like a dingy hotel room- there was a bed and a wooden table with a 9 inch TV on it, an en-suite bathroom to one side and nothing else. There was no window, just hideous flocked wal...

Lockdown continues and my beard grows ever longer. I'm tempted not to trim it until restrictions are finally lifted which and it will feel like I'm Robinson Crusoe finally able to leave his desert island. Indeed, sitting at home is not unlike sitting on a desert island, albeit we have Wi-Fi. Artist's Impression A huge trend on social media this week was #MeAt20 where people were encouraged to share photos of themselves at that age. Here's twenty-year old me: I think that photo was taken on a night out- I was at university at the time so it was probably in the student union. The thing I always notice when I see an older picture of myself is the hair and the fact there's a fringe. I always liked having hair covering most of my forehead, largely because I posses the same enormous forehead as several previous generations on the paternal side. These days the best I can manage is a couple of individual hairs making a valiant effort to do the same job but to no ...

It was the middle of the night and a piercing scream echoed around the house. I jumped awake and it took me a few seconds to process what was happening. I then realised I'd had a nightmare and managed to wake everyone in the house. Was this some dream triggered by current events? Well, no. From what I can remember I dreamt I was hiding from my mother in a local bush (no idea why) when I suddenly realised there was a mysterious something already lurking in the bush, hence the screaming. My sleeping pattern has been somewhat disturbed thanks to a lack of mental stimulation- I may be physically tired and I feel I've been exercising enough but my brain has not been too busy. Too much screen time during the day is probably not helping either. Other than this though, I'm finding I'm actually quite enjoying lockdown. I read this article  this week which discusses how some people with anxiety are finding life easier at the moment and I realised I related to it a lot. T...

Life has got especially strange in recent weeks as Covid-19 spreads around the world and life as we know it has shut down for a while. I've had a bit less time stuck indoors than most people. Though schools in the UK are shut to most pupils, they are still open for children whose parents are key workers or are especially vulnerable. The school I work for are doing a rota system so I seem to be working two days every other week in term time. It's just childcare really which is not exactly what I did an education degree for.  Still, I'm lucky. Working for a school means that however long this goes on for, I'll be paid. I know lots of people who don't have this luxury and are wondering how they are going to manage financially over the coming months. I'm so grateful to have this security right now. I'm also fortunate that these difficult and unusual working days are only very occasional- carers and NHS workers have to struggle through this unprecedented ...